THE APPLE DOESN’T FALL FAR FROM THE TREE

The month of March = Endless activities on Women Empowerment irrelevant of what positive result it may or may not bring. A chance conversation with a friend on how women are breaking stereotypes got my train of thought chugging once again. Do we really break the moulds that hold us or do we just exchange them for another newer mould? 

As long as man lives in society, there are bound to be stereotypes for both genders... Sorry to be politically correct, for all genders. Men too are cast in certain roles with loads of expectations that they are forced to live up to. But, as we are celebrating “Women’s Day” this month, lets stick to our favourite and oft discussed topic.

Growing up in Delhi, admitted to the right type of Christian schools, taught the correct deportment and social etiquette, joining the right colleges in Delhi University assured that we had gathered all the necessary skills useful in setting up homes and raising families.

 The fact that we were bright and toppers in schools and colleges was much flaunted and appreciated by the parents but was never considered to be a basis for any other future career apart from marriage. And to be fair to the parents, we were also happy with the same as our conditioning was so deep rooted to not expect or want anything else.

 Having started working in our family business made me realise the possibilities of having both family and career. Over the years, as I watched my daughter grow into a bright soul with an enquiring mind, I knew I could not deny her the opportunities I had missed out on. There was no question about it, after all I was a different generation from my parents!

 I encouraged her to think of all possibilities, explore her passions, to be financially independent and carve a career for herself. Little did I realise, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

When the time came for her to select her path, I gently tried to push her into “family oriented careers”… Maths/Chemist Hons (college profs), Nutritionist, Medicine and if you really want to push the boundaries, maybe I’ll accept a career in veterinary sciences as she loves animals.

I thought I was being very different from the earlier gen but I didn’t realise I was trying to take decisions for her, just like my parents did for me. I thought I was a modern age mom, encouraging her to work. But deep in my heart, no matter how well intended my wishes were, I wanted her to have a career which would not stand in the way of her promising future as a daughter in law! That she can select a life partner to match her profession or God forbid, maybe not even have one, never entered the discussion :p

 My first thought when she shared her dream of becoming a marine biologist was, “Shucks, there goes my dream of a big fat wedding in a rich Punjabi family 😂.” 

Second was, “How will I find a boy for her gypsy lifestyle… How will I answer the world if she is alone, without the ‘protection of a husband or in laws’?? “

 The conditioning over the generations is so deep rooted that we are and will always be typecast in different roles and be expected to fulfil those roles to the T. We will continue to seek societal approval by following the norms set by it.

Luckily, she’s of a different mettle altogether and forged her way ahead (her father had a big role to play but that’s a different story). Her unconventional thinking has helped crack my mould to quite an extent. She’s an accomplished marine biologist currently doing her PhD in Oxford. Her unconventional track gave me sleepless night while she worked with fishermen in a village for months, travelled to the remote-est of places for her projects or disappeared from the radar due to lack of cellular signals… 

But, watching her happily stride ahead in her path, I realised one truth. We don’t need to break any moulds, we only need to stop putting people in them. I truly feel we will actually move out of stereotypes when we accept that a woman is free to make choices concerning her life and what she does with it… Unfettered by society and its imposed norms. 

And we start accepting her choices without questioning them.

Pic Credits:  The Spoilt Modern Indian Woman